Gender Neutral Restrooms, A Rape Crisis Advocate's Perspective

By: Terri Collins

For a little more than four years, I worked as a rape crisis advocate.  I advocated for and counseled adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse and victims of rape. In addition to victims and survivors, I worked with their loved ones to help them understand and deal with the life-long effects of child molestation, sexual assault, and rape.

The effects are devastating and real! For this post, I am going to put on my rape crisis advocate hat.

My first experience with a gender neutral restroom was on my job.  I work in higher education, and one day I went to a restroom that I had often visited down the hall from my office. To my surprise, there was a new sign on the wall, next to the door, that was much like the sign featured at the beginning of this post.  I was startled at first, and I quickly took a glance at the restroom just next door. There was also a gender neutral sign on the wall next to that door.  I am a little embarrassed to say that before I came across this unexpected change, I had not heard a word about this cause or the upcoming changes to our restrooms.  This was about two years ago.  In recent months, I have heard and read a lot more about this movement.

At first sight of these signs, I did not know what to think or what to do. Because I really had to go, I went on inside and used the restroom.  While in there, sitting on the toilet, my in-breaded heightened awareness swiftly geared up. Hundreds of thoughts were racing through my mind.  I was nervous to say the least. I kept listening for the door to open, and kept expecting a man to come in and join me, I kept looking above my head to see if a man was looking over the stall wall.

Never once did it cross my mind or concern me that a person who is transgender might come in. My only concern was that I might become subjected to sharing a restroom with a male stranger. Of course, at home or some events I have shared restrooms with both genders but not at the same time.

Afterwards, I thought about this throughout the day. I'm not sure why it came as such a surprise, not sure why I had not heard about this change prior to it happening. I guess that may have been a time when I was taking a break from the news, and I had not seen anything about it on Facebook.

Let me first say, I totally get the reasoning behind the advocacy for having gender neutral bathrooms.  I get that it is for the safety of transgenders and for their comfort.  In my research regarding advocacy for the rights of transgender people, I have mostly come across the views of those who are pro-gender neutral restrooms.  Although I have heard a few meek voices protest the change, I have not seen much in regards to the valid reasons why we should consider that this is against the rights and protection of those, particularly females, who are not transgender.  Not to mention, this does not really provide a safe place for those who are transgender.  In my opinion, this opens the door for more ridicule and more potential abuse for all who innocently enter.  What I think a lot of people are missing is that having all restrooms in educational institutions or in public settings become gender neutral it is opening the door for any gender, whether trans or not, to have access to any restroom.  This means that pedophiles, rapist, stalkers, and sex addicts will also have access to these restrooms.  This means that all girls and women are subjected to the risk of being attacked in a public restroom. 

Having gender neutral restrooms in elementary, junior or high schools heightens the risk for  all students to be potentially abused. Not only that, this also opens the doors for boys and girls to go to the restroom together and gives them a 'safe place' to practice early and unsafe sex.  Teachers and school officials cannot be in every restroom throughout the day to monitor the comings and goings of those using the restroom especially during class time.

Perhaps the schools and public places can add an additional restroom, a third restroom. One for men only, one for women only, and one for transgenders only.  I feel that the sign for the third bathroom should say, "Gender Neutral" as not to offend anyone, but there should also be a sign that states something to the affect of who is allowed to use the restroom.

Then, I suppose that the ongoing argument will be that the transgenders are being segregated and that they are being discriminated against.  But, just think about it. I would think having their own restroom would be even more comfortable for them because otherwise I don't see how they are going to be completely comfortable in any other setting.  And, how is this discrimination? Isn't this a proactive means of giving them their own safe place? If they are in a gender neutral restroom there are going to be times when there are non-transgenders who are uncomfortable or who are cruel and still cause them discomfort.  And, who's to say that someone who is transgender will not be assaulted in a gender neutral restroom?  I believe having gender neutral restrooms for all genders is opening a huge can of worms and I believe it will not solve anyone's feelings of being seen as different or being treated different.  Let's face it, they are different. I am not saying this in a judgemental or condemning way, it is not my job or anyone else's job to judge or condemn. That is for God and God alone. 

From a rape crisis advocate perspective, I am advocating for boys, girls, men, women, transgenders, transvestites, homosexuals,  and heterosexuals.  I think some people are too quick to jump on a controversial band wagon that they often don't think about the whole picture of what they are advocating, nor do they think about the consequences before it is too late.  My biggest concern is that allowing men and women to use the same public restroom will eventually prove to increase the incidents of sexual assault, kidnapping, and very possibly abduction for human trafficking.  I also have concerns for survivors of sexual abuse, sexual assault, and rape who I know without a doubt will feel uncomfortable at the very least, and sometimes even feel threatened. I, as an advocate, am concerned for survivors well-being and for the strong possibility that when in a public restroom and someone of the opposite sex enters, they will have traumatic flashbacks and extreme anxiety.  I, a survivor myself, am not comfortable at all being in a gender neutral bathroom.